To be human is to feel confusion at times.

To be human is to feel confusion at times.

Confusion is similar to a jigsaw puzzle. Each piece represents an action or words spoken. Other bits signify opportunity or decisions yet to be made.

When we start a jigsaw we spread all the pieces out. Each bit requires examination. Grouping similar colours together. We then get busy organising each section we created. Constantly referring to the picture on the front of the box.

These puzzles can become frustrating. They take time and patience. You don’t pack up an ongoing project when you’re done for the day. It’s left as is, ready for your attention when you come back with a fresh perspective. Steadily working towards its completion.

That is what we have to do with confusion. Chop it up, divide it and then piece it together so that all the bits are tidily attached forming the big picture.

Contradiction in behaviour often leads to confusion.

• You’ve arranged to meet a friend at a café. He has a reputation for always being late. Known for his exaggerated excuses. This shows lack of organisation and time management skills. Does he take into consideration that you have a life as well? What do you do when his tardiness is no longer appropriate?

• A couple decide to separate. The father moves out of the family home. Before he leaves, both parents sit the children down and explain what’s going on. Dad is quick to reassure the kids that he will be in constant contact with them.
The father arranges times to visit. However he has got into the habit of not showing up at all or phoning at the last minute to cancel.
Research highlights children will internalise the separation as their fault. They will also believe Dad not turning up is because of something they have done. A mother’s heart breaks seeing her children upset.

• Say for instance your 20th birthday is coming up. Your parents generally make a big deal out of your birthday. The build up to it is always a delight. However this year not a word has been said about your 20th.

You’ve started to hint about your special day but no one in the family is biting.
On the said day, everyone is low key. Your parents give you a gift and get on with it. Normally you’re showered with loads of attention.
You feel let down. Thinking your 20’s have not started off at all well. You can’t understand the big change your family’s attitudes.
When you get home that evening, not even the lights are on. One would have thought there would be a birthday dinner.
Then the lights are switched on. There’s a big loud noise of ‘SURPRISE’. Now the confusion makes sense. You’re back to your jolly self.

That dam brain. If only it would stop thinking.

You’ve made a decision. At times you’re ecstatic by this choice. Other times fear, doubt and uncertainty arise. What initially seemed like a great idea is now slowly being picked apart by the other side of your brain.
It feels as if your mind is at odds with you. One part can’t wait for change. The other side wants you to stay exactly where you are.
This is natural for the brain to want you to remain in a safe, comfortable place. Never advancing or challenging yourself. This can be overcome by discipline and getting to know yourself better.
Read Superhero Strengths to the Emotional Rescue to familiarise yourself with several techniques to overcome negative self-talk.

Confusion can be an exciting time.

A dream job offer has been placed in your lap. It means relocating. Leaving everything you’re familiar with behind. Starting over in a new place.

Weighing up the odds.
• You can forget about doing it, your fear factor is far too high.  You’re happy with your life and want it to remain as it is.
• You can accept the offer, give it a go and if you don’t like it you can come home.
• There’s only one choice. You’re prepared to start afresh, leaving your loved ones to do their thing. You know where they live.

RELATED:  How to Find Clarity When Your Confused About What to Do.

Bad habits – Drugs, alcohol and gambling.

Trying to keep the people in your circles from knowing the extent of your addiction. New habits have formed leaving old behaviours that people are familiar with behind.
Family members and friends are hurt by your new conduct. Everybody is confused as to why you’re behaving the way you are.
• There used to be decent meals on the table. Now you’re lucky if you can afford to buy a few vegetables and add pasta.
• Reliable is now a thing of the past. Inconsistency in behaviour has become apparent to those close. Concern has started to surface.

Domestic violence.

Two parties decide to enter into a partnership. What begins as a blossoming relationship slowly turns to insults. After a while pushes and shoves have become slaps and then punches.
The victim is left confused. Wondering what happened, to bring about such a change in behaviour. Initially looking upon themselves as the reason the perpetrator loses self-control.

The heart gets confused when its constantly told I love you by the same person who destroys it.  – R.H Sin

This post is to highlight where confusion exists when physical violence becomes part of a relationship. For further reading on this serious matter see, Dear Domestic Violence.

Noticeable changes in a relationship.

To be human is to feel confusion at times.• The regular kiss good bye is no longer on offer. This leads to hurt. The person left to ponder the reason for this change.
• Why? Your partner never used to shower after work. A new practice of showering on occasions has begun.
• Avoiding the relationship. Excuse after excuse for not being around.
• Suspicious actions: Guarding their mobile phone, whereas before they used to leave it lying around.

When words and actions are not in sync, yet it’s understandable. 

• The electrician talking about rewiring the family home. Never getting around to it. This may be frustrating yet its normal behaviour.
• The partner who is a mechanic. Always threatening to put a new motor in your car and never gets around to it. Now you’re broken down at a set of lights in peak hour traffic. Hubby already knows he is in for a tongue lashing for not having come through on his word. He is not confused by this at all. It’s expected.

The talk.

What used to be is no longer. He or she used to do something all the time and now they don’t do it at all.
• What has changed?
• Are you game enough to question it? Or are you too scared of the answer?
It can be a lonely and tough time when your relationship is in doubt and you’re unsure of your partner. Mustering up the nerve to open up communication can go two ways. It either sorts out your worry. Or you realise some truths you may not have been ready to hear.
RELATED: Are You the Reasons Your Relationship is Over?

Confusing conduct.

Another person aims bad behaviour towards you. (Examples: insults, bullying, lying). You’re not responsible for other people’s behaviour. Even when you don’t understand why they are doing what they have done.
You know when you’re confused. There’s a nagging feeling sitting in the pit of your stomach that doesn’t feel right.

When you don’t know how to put behaviour into words.

Reflect on the situation. Start an investigation. Dissect each moment. Breaking the scenario up into jigsaw pieces.
• Where did it begin? How did the situation come about?
• Examine the words and actions of all those involved. Who said what?
• Assess your response.
• Was their behaviour justifiable?
• Do the people involved usually behave the way they did towards you? If so how?
In most cases you will be able work out the answers you’re looking for. However not all confusion will be worth your time and energy. Make sure the situation or the people involved are important to you.
Become an expert in owning your own behaviour. Recognise the words and actions of others. They may hurt and be aimed at you. That does not make the other person right.

I believe the process of going from confusion to understanding is a precious, even emotional, experience that can be the foundation of self-confidence.  – Brian Green

Wrapping Up.

Feeling stumped can be a troubling or exciting time. Confusion can be managed. Examine the situation by breaking it down into small components. Use the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle to separate behaviour, actions, words and emotions.
Focusing in on all areas of a situation, rather than seeing the scenario as a whole. You better equip yourself with information using this technique.

Confusion can be managed. Examine the situation by breaking it down into small components. Click To Tweet
We should never ignore when our minds feel muddled. Some answers are what we have been searching for. Other conclusions are painful. You may very well decide no action is required. This means you have made informed choices. That’s all you can expect from yourself.

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14 Comments

  1. Hi Rachel

    Well said. When the reality ot today is different from that of yesterday it brings confusion, uncertainty and doubt. When you have no answers, take the problem apart and look at it from all angles.

    A change in behaviour does not just happen. It has a cause. Rather than to pass judgment because of what is, look at how it came to be.

    Not knowing is often worse than facing the truth, even if the truth may hurt.

    Good post

    • Hey Igert,

      Confusion is an opportunity. However some of the answers or solutions we find may not be what we wanted. E.g. Confusion in a relationship. The final decision is leaving. One may want to hold onto confusion for a while. I have seen it in many relationships, unfortunately.

      I agree, a change in behaviour is a cause. Actions will always be an indicator that things are a bit out of sorts. When this happens, people usually play the situation over and over in their mind as a torment. Yet if we play it over and dissect it, this way is far more valuable to us.

      Years ago I would have agree with you. Not knowing is often worse than facing the truth. I have to be interested in the unknown for it to hold significance. There have been many unanswered questions in my life. I’m one of the most curious people I know, but once I loss interest, I don’t have any attachment to it. I’m onto something else. Hope that makes sense. Thanks for your comments.

      Rachel.

  2. Hi, Rachel

    You are right, the confusion in human is because we have so called “brains”.
    we use our brains too much in analytzing.
    Confusion happens when our actions do not align with our words or our promises.
    In any relationship, each confusion is unique and can be solved by separation of the whole into small pieces. Then the solution of each piece put back together. There is no easy ways

    However, we can also able to manage confusion by open up to each other in communication. It is my two cents.

    Stella Chiu
    Stella Chiu recently posted…The Mystery of the Law of AttractionMy Profile

    • Hey Stella,

      I agree Stella, those dam brains, if only they would stop for a minute. If only we did not have to vigilant in disciplining it. Things would be so much easier. I watched a film on TED last night and he talks about our brain at the centre of everything we do. There is not one action that our brain is not involved in. He was encouraging 10 minutes of meditation on a daily basis. I have always appreciated my brain – its an amazing muscle but it was a reiteration for me. I felt very grateful that I am a meditator and have been for years. Because I appreciate that big tormenting lump of a muscle.

      Communication is a lot easier when nobody is risking anything. But when people have questions for others and their hearts are at risk, it takes a brave person to go forth. Thanks for your comments.

      Rachel.

  3. Hi Rachel!
    Really enjoyed your post today girl 🙂 I love how you said that to manage confusion it is best to break it down into simple little pieces……instead of feeling overwhelmed or confused, breaking it down is the logical choice…..makes more sense ya know? As humans it is very easy to get confused sometimes, I know happens to me more often than not lol

    Thanks so much for sharing 🙂 Great post!
    Joan M Harrington recently posted…Are You An Entrepreneur Who Believe Your Dreams Are Worth Chasing?My Profile

    • Hey Joan,

      Confusion used to surround me. I’m a dreamer and wanted everything now. Both not realistic so you could imagine disappointment would be something I set myself up with. That was until I learnt that small steps lead to lasting change. What a concept. It is in everything I do now.

      If confusion happens to you a lot, you must be making heaps of decisions and that can’t be a bad thing. You could even do one of those dream boards or use a cork board. Pin the issue at the top and look at how many ways you could break it down. Just a thought. Thanks for your comments.

      Rachel.

  4. So true. If you take time to examine things into small, manageable pieces, they usually make a lot more sense. Great examples of how different confusion can be in different situations.

    • Hey Shann,

      I have always found breaking anything big into small steps makes most situations manageable. Projects, goals, even the shopping list can be broken down. It was one of the best tools I learnt many years ago. It was a God send because I always had big picture stuff happening in my head and always felt overwhelmed. Thanks for your comments.

      Rachel.

  5. Being able to better communicate our needs helps ease some of that self doubt and confusion, I think. Thanks so much for sharing the different situations that can occur

    • Hey Cynthia,

      Communication and reflection are key to working through confusion. It was an interesting post to write. We can feel stumped in so many different areas. Instead of being stuck on the issue focusing on solutions can take away some of the angst. Thanks for your comments.

      Rachel.

  6. When you actually step back and look at the whole picture, your answers may be right there starring at you…just like what always happens to me when doing a puzzle. In fact, I just completed a 1000 piece puzzle and was missing 1 edge piece. Even my husband couldn’t find it so I assumed it was missing. A month later, during the last day of me completing the puzzle I found that piece and wouldn’t you know it had been starring at me forever and my brain never recognized that it was that edge piece?!?

    • Hey Christine,

      Glad you got your puzzle sorted. That one missing piece could have been a puzzle in itself.

      Your right, when we are confused if we remove ourselves from the situation (which can be hard whilst in the middle of a storm) we can generally find a solution. Other answers can take a little longer to process or even recognise as we just don’t like the answers.

      I have found when it comes to relationships when they have hit hard times some of the answers are too painful to acknowledge. Then its not confusion its avoidance. Thanks for your comments.

      Rachel.

    • Hey AwildaHarrison,

      Thanks for popping on by and leaving your comments. I appreciate the feedback. I certainly hope the tips do some good.

      Rachel.

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