Say goodbye to ego and hello to change.

Say good-bye to ego and hello to change.

Say good-bye to ego and hello to change.

I would choose a thousand enemies over the uncertainty that my mind creates when I am looking to change my behaviour.

Put your hand up in the air; if you are aware that self-doubt lingers within each and every one of us?  It’s that negative nagging.  We have all heard the following in our minds.  I can’t do it because …………. (Fill in your excuses here).

Other times it can be a physical manifestation created from doubt.  So strong that it can make us feel weak just with the thought of change.

We face two challenges when it comes to altering behavior patterns.  The new actions we want to instill into our life; and that evil enemy sitting on one side of our shoulder whispering doubt.

You are up against your old rival called Ego.  To some it represents as the scared little child within and church goers refer to it as the devil; where temptation teases us to take the wrong path.

However, let’s not get stuck on the title and acknowledge that it exists.  That way we get to work on how to silence this opponent.  Choose your weapons against Ego – master these tools in order to create change.

Yell from the roof tops, “I will not be beaten by this enemy.  There will be no surrender to this kind of self-talk”.  Change is incredibly hard and near impossible at times. Especially if you are unaware of Ego’s power.

Change is incredibly hard and near impossible at times. Especially if you are unaware of Ego’s power. Click To Tweet

A confident person; continually comes up against this negative self-talk or doubt; however they have a strong belief system and a proven track record highlighting successes.

Ego does not have a chance to loiter in their mind for long.  They have tools, regardless of whether they are aware of it or not.

The Ego Confession.

It is at this point in the post a confession is in order.  I am an addict.  No this is not an Alcoholic Anonymous group, this is an example.

Smoking cigarettes is my vice.  Proven time and time again that when I am not on top of my game, Ego is ready and waiting to throw a hundred different reasons as to why it is okay to drop the discipline and light up.

The first excuse is triggered when my mind is weak with anger, sadness or even being tired.  Ego pops in and says, “Stop all this tension; you have every right to feel the way you do.  A cigarette will relax you”.  And it does for a couple of minutes and then disappointment takes over.

My shoulders are hunched over, my mind is berating me with shame and guilt because I have let myself down.  Constantly reminding me of the commitment I made when I previously extinguished my last cigarette.

There is not one benefit to this poison.  It’s nothing more than a dirty lazy habit.  So I smoke my pouch and call it quits.  And this is when Ego gets tricky.

Every six months I might indulge in alcohol; that is the limit of my drinking.  However when I stop cigarettes; having a drink begins to consume my mind.  I see every bar in the vicinity of my home.  I did not even recognise these pubs before cigarettes were back in my life.

That is how sly and sneaky Ego is.  The hidden agenda is not alcohol – it is when I drink – I see a beer in one hand and cigarette in the other.  Once I have bought smokes I won’t recognise another pub because that is not my vice, the cigarettes are.

How can change become easier?

When you hear a reason not to do it – match it with a reason to do it.  When you feel uncomfortable – either except it (it’s important to realise this moment will pass) or distract your mind (do one of your favourite hobbies).

When you feel as if you are slipping, do something that you love to ensure that you don’t.  Just hold on!  Even if only for the day.

Change is not for the light hearted!  When your mind is up to no good, or out of character; it is time to question the motivation.  We don’t have enemies as bad as Ego.  (Suggestions for managing this period can be found in 7 Simple rules to live by for a happy life).

Change is not for the light hearted! Click To Tweet

We have all felt frustrated when we have slipped and landed back on the old path.  This is when we shake hands with Ego, who smiles at us so pleasantly all the while we feel a disappointment within ourselves.

Ego does not care for our feelings.  Ego – opposes change, loves addiction, talks to us in the negative and plays on doubt.  Yet presents as a real charmer.

When you want to give up gambling, alcohol, drugs, cakes, soda, sexual exploits, thieving, opportunity to lie; whatever your weak vice is (and don’t feel ashamed we all have flaws), the only hurdle is within you.

Say you have a weakness for cakes; every bakery comes into your view or the cake section at the supermarket illuminates as you walk on by.  Everything on TV seems to represent cakes.

The day you start your diet, someone in the work place is celebrating; and cake is on offer.  You attend this morning tea, armed with crackers, fruit or vegetables.  Your determination is strong.  A few people notice and congratulate you.

But we all have that friend who says, “How is one piece of cake going to make a difference”?  All the while they are stuffing their face, bits of cake flying out of their mouth – showing off what you are not going to enjoy.

You stand staunch and continue your resistance.  Wondering if you have lost 5 kilos just by saying no and holding onto your will power.  It feels as if there should be some compensation.

The food you are chewing is now tasteless, the conversation around you has started to fade out, as you stare at the cake, which now consumes your every thought.

What do you do?  Remove yourself from that area.  There will plenty of time to catch up with your work mates.  Acknowledge your will power and all the benefits this new health regime will bring in the coming days, weeks and months.

If you are an ex-gambler on your weak days – every single outlet that has a pokey machine stands out, just to lure you in.  If you have given up alcohol, every bottle shop, pub or drive through will stand out.

However there is light at the end of the tunnel.  This is a bad day, where Ego has come out to play.  There is no telling when that dirty enemy will arrive because our lives are so full.  These are the days where you have to be prepared for war.  A back-up plan is required.

Remember that our good days are never the ones we have to work with.  Because we are reaching for our goals and walking on a solid foundation.  Strength, discipline and focus are in the house.  Ego can’t be found anywhere.  There is no room for self-doubt on these days.

So preparation is the key to overcoming our bad days.  Set a date for change.  This will allow your mind to absorb the coming actions.

In the mean time you can research the positive outcomes and understand all the benefits.  Locating experts and reading up on the tips and tricks they use when they are not feeling on top of it all.

There is always going to be temptation in front of us.  But once Ego recognises that you are at your weakest, that voice will steer you straight back on the path you have prepared and worked so hard to stay off.

Don’t underestimate Ego; doubt can be silenced and not have a voice for years.  In a moment where the mind is not so strong, insecurity can arise.  Like a sniper camouflaged in his environment ready to take a shot when the opportunity arises.

It only takes one bad day.  Maybe you were sleep deprived the night before, things got worse after you woke.  Food has run down your top.   Your partner expects you to know his/her every move and asks where they put the keys to the car.  You flare up asking if they need help with their toilet duties.  There are many warnings already that something is not right.  So get ready to apply your action plan.

Over to you.  What are your tools for planning for change?  Is ego a consideration?  What do you refer to ego as?  Let me know in the comments area.


Posted in Behaviour, Change, Self Development and tagged , , , , , , , .


  1. Hi Rachel,

    That was wonderful indeed 🙂

    Most of us can connect to all that you wrote I think, as we all have flaws and vices, as you mentioned. Yes, ego gets the better of us at so many occasions, it can lead from addiction to what all not!

    I can understand how tough it must’ve been for you to get over the smoking habit, and the alcohol bit earlier, as both of these require tremendous will-power to get over. Nothing works better than self-control, and I think you can get past any of such issues if you have a strong will-power. Just like the cake eating, or any of the fat foods, or doing things we aren’t supposed to do – till that inner voice wakes up and tells you to stop it….you really cannot move.

    It’s happened with me too, but then there is a promise I make to myself and ensure I keep it, about a LOT of things. A determined, unwavering, and positive thinking mindset, is what we need. What helps is to divert your mind, as you mentioned, and it could be anything different from the ordinary, as long as it takes away your mind from the wrongs – listen to music, dance, go for a walk, write, paint, cook, meditate – they all help.

    Overall, if YOU are ready to change, no one can stop you except you 🙂

    Thanks for sharing this with us. Have a nice week ahead 🙂

    • Hey Harleena,

      Thanks for your comments. I like the idea of dancing, not a bad idea. I did trying screaming at the top of my lungs on a bridge, but you only get a few opportunities to do that without people around – if people saw you, they may worry that a lunatic has escaped from somewhere. Will power is it, isn’t it. I agree with you, when you want change, nobody can stop you at all. No excuse your mind makes can change the stance on the commitment. That inner voice you speak of, is constantly on at me when I am steering off the path. It nags me and then there is a quiet when I do as I am told, or going in the direction. But I know when I am going to get the nag and when it will be silenced, unless it is something new then I might not know what direction I go in, until I try a few new or different things, but I recognise I am looking for something. I get it right in the end. You have a great, productive week as well.

  2. Hey racheal

    Nice Post and thank you as you have mentioned better way to completely eliminate ego from our life as it hampers our performance.

    The best part is about the change and how we can mould ourselves in it. Brilliant and Thank You for such an awesome post.

    • Hey Yash,

      Thanks for being a regular responder to my blog, it does not go unnoticed. You are so right about change being the best part to mould ourselves. I get excited when I see others people striving for change and I when it see it myself. For me it is not so much the end product of change, but the process through it. Because we have to admit if change was easy there would be no struggle and everyone would be perfect and then what would we write about. Hehehe. You are so right about eliminating ego as it hampers our performance, I love that sentence. Talk soon.

  3. Hi Rachel

    A very interesting post and you got me hooked from start to finish.

    Ego is a very interesting issue and you are right about how it affects our habits and even our productivity. I do remember the little voices that are against each other. One that wants your progress and the other that gives you reason why you don’t need progress. I have had this struggle in my life but one must take a step.

    I believe that no matter the temptation, we should have a mindset to change and also understand that changes don’t happen overnight but consistency matters.

    Thanks for sharing

    • Hey Ikechi,

      Thanks for your response. Those to voices you talk of are like the angel sits on one shoulder giving us sound direction and guides our path and the other one, well that is nothing more than evil. I agree with the struggle, but sound commitment and mind set does win. However it is the down days that I am always accommodating because they are the days where I struggle the most. I am nothing more than human. However in saying that it gets easier once we recognise the war that goes on in our minds. I really can tell Ikechi that you have done some hard yards when it comes to creating your own path. I get really excited when I am meet a kindred spirit. Your honesty is refreshing and inspiring. I look forward to further communication. Talk soon.

    • Hey Deep,

      Thanks for the visit to my site. I hope you enjoyed it. I appreciate the comments. I am a goal orientated person, so I have had to dance with demon for a number of years.

  4. Hi Rachel
    It really needs mental strength to overcome drinking and smoking habits. Sometimes, mental struggles are more difficult to overcome than physical strength. Whenever we are in an chaotic state, ego comes in and takes the front seat to ease us mentally.
    In the end, we hurt ourselves only. So, it’s always better to have a date for a change. Everything begins from within. By installing faith in ourselves, we can shake all the foundations of ego in our lives.
    Ya, there is light at the end of the tunnel. It takes some time to come out of the irritating phase. Thanks for the uplifting post, Rachel. Have a lovely weekend ahead. Keep Rocking

    • Hey Yatin,

      Thanks for commenting. Mental struggles are what we all face, that is just apart of life. However your emotional roller coaster ride changes our perception for minute to minute. It is never the days where we are seeing clearly and thinking positively that we have to worry about. When I want change and I have a strong mind, nothing can interfere, however on a day where my mind is not so strong, that is when ego wants to come out and whisper to me. Embracing who we are is a life time effort and irritating phases will always be with us. Unless you are a superior being where your mind is so sharp and strong. I only really know of two people who I could believe have this sorted and that it the current Pope and Dalai Lama. Even some of my spiritual teachers who work so hard on reaching unconditional heights still have there perspectives squashed on bad days. That is why it is a learning experience.

  5. Hi Rachel,

    Unique and awesome article indeed! 🙂

    Yes, I agree with you. Changing something of ourselves are very difficult, especially if the ego has spoken. Ego can make us a better person and at the same time, the ego also has the potential to make us become worse.

    When I want to change something of myself, I kept whispering main objectives and advantages I get if I continue to make changes. Change is difficult, I have no doubt about that, but we have to fight against it. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing, Rachel.
    Have a great weekend!

    Nanda Rahmanius recently posted…Findxa Review: The Home of The Best Curated ArticlesMy Profile

    • Hey Nanda,

      Firstly thanks for the reply. Secondly I like your strategy with change – ‘I keep whispering main objectives and advantages’ to make changes. Great idea, it could even go further, with people writing down those whispers and making collages of all the benefits-this change can bring. I’m glad you agree that changing is difficult and we should pat ourselves on the back and become very appreciative of ourselves for even considering change and then acting on it. But I have always considered working on ourself very rewarding (although it does my head in). Thanks for such a great comment. Talk soon.

  6. Hi Rachel,

    I hate when my ego creeps in. Especially when it’s so random. Like that thought that comes out of no where down playing all of your efforts. Making you rethink everything.

    Whenever I find myself falling for it I try to remember why I thought it was a good idea in the first place.

    Every time I think of making a change I have to consider ego. I feel if I don’t it will get the best of me.

    Lea Bullen recently posted…They Lied To You, Why You Need To Be SelfishMy Profile

    • Hey Lea,

      Thanks for revisiting my blog. You nailed it. That is exactly how goes. It creeps in and comes from nowhere. Sometimes leaving us bewildered as to how we get from motivated and ready for change, to doubt, struggle and lack of motivation. That’s the hidden agenda, isn’t it? You sound like you know how to deal with ego and have your own unique strategy. Embrace it and maybe add a couple more to your tool bag. Because its a biggy this ego. A kindred spirit I think I have found in you. And I think we all have a better chance with change if we do consider ego. Sounds as though you have danced with this enemy on a number of occasions and really know how to deal with it. Talk soon.

  7. The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I imply, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought youd have something attention-grabbing to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about one thing that you could possibly repair if you happen to werent too busy in search of attention.

    • Hey Gabriel

      Thank you for spending time on my blog. Actually you came to a self development site and I feel it my responsibility to not just share with people how to get over a situation, but what the journey is all about. It is not a pity party, the strength in my words are clear and it is far from attention seeking, it was my formula and how I process issues.

      I appreciate your truths but what a shame you see me getting over one of the biggest hurdles in my life as attention seeking. Sharing a personal struggle is not that easy to write about. Anyway I hope you return, and leave more of what is on your mind. The best thing about a blog is we are all open to interpretation and I am glad you actually were willing to invest your time and tell me how you feel. Talk soon.

  8. Dear Rachel,
    Very helpful article. Ego is a major hurdle, especially on the spiritual path. Once we cooperate less with it, it disappears. We must understand the nature of ego, that it is only temporary. Once we stop fighting with it, it disappears.

    Keep spreading the light, Rachel.
    Ankush Chauhan recently posted…Stress Relief The Spiritual way!My Profile

    • Hey Ankush,

      Thank you for leaving a comment and welcome. I agree ego is a hurdle. We must understand it to begin to work with it, to create change. It is a toughie, but once we silence it, there is no self doubt. However our minds are tricky and on our tired days or down days ego has a way of coming to the service. This can be temporary as our moods never remain in this place. We are a roller coaster of emotions and ego has great timing. So we just have to continue with our practices that bring us back to balance. That’s how I work with it most of the time. Thanks for visiting, talk soon. Rachel.

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