Deshawn is no ordinary woman. Her childhood was not easy. Facing hardship and abuse. Growing up with little love. You could understand why anyone would want to drown their sorrows and numb themselves to the world. It’s not like there aren’t a number of valid reasons.
Yet you won’t get those kinds of thoughts or words from Deshawn. What you will receive is encouragement. She knows the depths of despair. Waking up and reaching for her cure was a daily habit. Read her post A Cocaine Addicts Morning.
She has the capacity to empathise with you when you’re not on top of it. She won’t be at your pity party. But she will be by your side showing you how you can come back from anything. How you’re valued, regardless of what you have been through.
She will not stand for you sinking. She won’t hear any of that. Her message is clear. No matter what you have done, how you previously behaved you can choose the life you want to live.
She doesn’t give it to you sugar coated. You want raw honesty. Well, you’ve come to the right place. Sorting your life out and living a drug-free existence is not easy. But she will always tell you you’re worth it. You deserve it. Read, 5 ways to achieve peace in your life. Her tried methods for keeping her balance.
I can’t wait for you read the interview I have had with Deshawn from NaCaroInc.
What does NaCaroInc stand for?
NaCaroInc is a combination of my name and my spouse’s name. Na(Natosha) Caro(Carolyn).
When was the first time you came into contact with drugs? Which drug was it? How was it introduced to you? Can you remember how you felt? (e.g. Excited and nervous. Scared but peer group pressured. Or I was one of those girls that couldn’t wait to get their hands on what they had heard about).
The first experience I had with drugs was when I was about 15 or 16. Honestly, I had already been drinking since I was 14 but the drugs didn’t come into play until the age of 15/16. I was skipping school with a group of friends, and we were at one of their houses. One of them brought out a tiny box and said “this is my mom’s good stuff” The rest of my friends had obviously done it before because they already knew what was in the box and were making preparations to do it. I, on the other hand, had never done anything other than alcohol, so I had no idea what I was getting myself into. To make a long story short, I did my first line of cocaine that day. Before I did it, I felt normal. I wasn’t nervous or scared. At that moment, I felt like I was with a group of people who loved and cared about me. I knew in my heart they wouldn’t put me in a position to be hurt.
Can you remember what you thought about your first experience with cocaine? How long before it became regular use?
My first encounter with cocaine was, to me at the time, a wonderful encounter. When I did that first line, I had never felt more alive than I did at that moment. My heart was racing, and my body was on autopilot. I couldn’t stop moving, and I felt superhuman. It was the best feeling in the world. That is until the “come down.” That is the worst feeling in the world. It’s like being hit by a semi-truck ten times. I felt so sick and miserable. Everything that I wanted to shut out of my mind came back with a vengeance.
From that moment on I spent a very long time trying to find that first high. The next time I did cocaine was probably a few weeks later with the same group of people. That’s when it began to become a hobby of some sort. But, every time I did it I was doing it to feel what I felt on my first encounter. And as good as the coke was it was never as good as the first time.
How long was it before your hobby went to habit? What was the turning point for you? What made you decide to clean up?
It didn’t take long for me to make drugs a habit. After the first time, I was hooked. So I would say maybe a week or two. I was constantly looking for that first high. The turning point for me was when I noticed I wasn’t a good mother. I was still their mother however I wasn’t giving them the best of me. I wanted better for them and myself. My kids have and will always be the reason I do good things. I want them to be proud to say that I am their mother. When my kids began to notice that I was changing, when they started asking me is everything okay I knew it was time to change.
You can get the monkey off your back, but the circus never leaves town. – Anne Lamott.
Are there days where your resolution is not as strong as others? You think about just ‘one more time’. What do you do in these times?
There are days that I think about going back to drugs. Those are my hard days. Days when I feel overwhelmed, when I feel lost or just a lot of built up anxiety. Days like this I have to go somewhere and be alone. It has to be a place of pure silence. I do this to gather my thoughts and self-motivate myself. And I also pray for strength.
It took me a long time to just stop doing cocaine. There were times when I would stop for weeks and then all of sudden I was back doing it. Telling myself this is the last time. It took almost a year to develop a healthy habit.
I would like to introduce you briefly to Deshawn’s partner Carolyn, who wrote Sober Living. This post walks you through a bad day. How the mind will attempt to steer you back to old habits right at a time when you’re not on top of it. You’re in a mood where anything can get the better of you. These are tough days to get through.
The alternative is worse. Thinking you can go back for one more pill, drink, drugs or one more time at the pokies because of a bad day. It’s nothing more than a crutch and an excuse. It’s common knowledge that an addict never goes back one time only. See my post on Addiction – The slow steps to recovery.
What would your advice be to those who have never taken drugs before but are keen to experiment? Your friends are your world. How did you break the attachments from those who used? When you told them you were going to get clean, what was their response?
Honestly, I don’t want to come off as a same old recovering addict. You know the ones that say “don’t do drugs because it will ruin your life.” We have all heard that before. I had heard that so many times as a child in school and even still I ended up being an addict. The reason I started using drugs in the first place is because I felt like I was missing something. I felt like it took away all the pain I had bottled up inside me. And for a moment it did. For years, I spent every waking moment trying to keep that numbing feeling. Attempting to fill that void. The best I can give is to love yourself and forgive those in your life that have done wrong unto you. Do not let self-hate and another person’s action be your ultimate demise.
My friends were my world. However, it was a non-fiction world that was built on unhealthy habits. And I never told them I was going to get myself together. I just up and left. It was the hardest thing I ever did. To leave people that have been in my life for years and start over was terrifying. I did it because it was the best thing for my children and me. The reason behind me up and leaving without notice is because my friends knew me very well. They knew my weakness, and they knew which buttons to push and how to get under my skin. If I had announced my departure, they would have changed my mind. They would have reeled me back in, and I would still be an addict. I would have never changed.
I would like everyone to know, not just drug addicts that change is a scary thing, but it is worth it. You are worth it. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve a life full of love.
There is no such thing as an addiction ‘under control’. – Breaking the chains.
If you’re ever feeling like you are going mad and have been in recovery for a day, week, month or year reach out. Never travel this path alone. Not on those days where you’re left to your own devices and negative self-talk has got the better of your mind. No recovering addict will send you away. They will certainly understand where you are at. They’ll be there for you.
RELATED: Addict Justification. This post will blow your myths a part. I’m on top of it, I’m not an addict I have a job, I can stop anytime I want. Yeah right, read this post for some perspective.
A big thank you to Deshawn for allowing me this interview and her time. The human spirit is contagious when you meet an incredible person with strength, courage and the wisdom of hindsight. Coming back from addiction is by no means an easy task. Read Sobriety Equals Freedom.
The interview focused on addiction, old habits and moving forward with life. Deshawn writes about Parenting, Life Coaching, Marriage and Blogging Tips. Spend some time there getting to know her better.
If you enjoyed this interview don’t forget to share it, so Deshawn’s strong message can continue.